The Results of Months of Training

Thie year's competition was a complete disaster for many schools. Many who used to train very hard did not make it to the finals and yet many more who trained so hard were not able to get even a good placing in the competition.

Ask what were the exact things the committee wanted, and it would be quite confirmed that nobody really know what was expected except perhaps for functionality and campcraft skills.

Just talk about the ability to house 9 persons sleeping in the competition, i think only 2 schools fulfilled the criteria. Yet the ranking was not reflected in that way.

And these are just some of the many other things that i am feeling so frustrated over. At the end of it all, it seems that luck could perhaps be the biggest player.

So why are we training so hard for? Glory when we do not know how to achieve it besides putting in our efforts?

If today's judging was fair and transparent, how is it that we are not able to list out our mistakes clearly besides guessing? How is it that the chief judge could announce "ease of entry" only when everything has ended?

So many days of our lives, so much sacrifices.

And when we thought that at the end of it all, we could at least leave with the thought that at least we have tried our best and that we are just not as good, we leave with so many doubts and unjust feelings.

When we thought that perhaps we could be at least closely bonded and maybe even set a good start for everlasting friendships, we were seemingly given a nil for an answer.

What happened to everyone when everything came to an end? Why was there no opening of hearts? Why were people anxious to leave?

Because we cannot swallow our defeat? We cannot show our feelings?

We don't care?

Were our efforts come to waste? Or was it just me?

如果明天就是决赛了，你们会有怎么样的感想呢？

这些日子以来所面对的是万般的艰难。成功了，却没有得到我们确切的肯定，努力却还是的不到谅解。或许一路走来，这段旅程并非一帆风顺。

男人有时就是不善长表达自己。

也许行动就是最明显的证明吧？但无声的表示又是否能够得到它的正面回应呢？

我们也只能自己琢磨着……

Sentimentalism

okok so i shall not complain too much on the blog... if not people dun wan to read anymore.

today was yet another day of campcraft training, and suddenly i had this thought in my mind: what if i was 50 years old and still training yet another campcraft team? scary thought isn't it?

then mr thodey's words came to my mind again when we were complaining about the vendor at the batam staff retreat. He actually said that i am the kind who will be in teaching forever!

haha another scary thought.

I often thought to myself, if teaching wasn't the way that i can feel for today and tomorrow, i will leave the service.

I still feel overwhelming thoughts when i see students write about their lives, either with me or without me. As long as i was part of their lives and that i have made a difference, i will feel a surge of immense satisfaction throughout my soul.

The kind of feeling that makes you euphorical.. .similar to drugs? Only if i know what's it like.. .yet you feel sober at the same time and most of all, life begins to feel all meaningful again.

Sometimes i long for time to stop, for all the happy memories to freeze in time and space; certain photographs make me want to cry and certain pictures gets me all moody all in an instant.

Maybe that is sentimentalism.

这阵子... ...

里总是说我爱谈生活的大事，完全没有提到自己的私生活。

回想起来，我好象没有什么私生活，除了偶尔的电影与朋友吃饭外，剩余的时间几乎都是穿梭于学校和住处之间。

忙碌的工作常常让我对待玩乐感到力不从心。从前爱看电视节目，打电动，现在却只能沦落到看书和跑步。

记得前几天，我还向老朋友投诉，说那架两个月前买的 Sudoku 游戏机现在却只在家里堆积灰尘。

这样的生活到底是幸福还是遗憾呢？

幸福

我好喜欢参加婚礼。看到了别人的幸福，那真是一种很好的感觉。

星期六时候，我的一位同事踏上了红地毯。悦耳的音乐中，大家心里都应该是欢喜非常的。那种感动，那种幸福的憧憬也再次获得了肯定。

你心里的幸福又是什么呢？

坎坷

没有必要的挣扎
不可理喻的要求
忍气吞声
厚颜无耻
奉承
自尊心的作祟
无止境的自讨苦
那股热忱的火焰

迷失的自我

Love

Read on a magazine that love is made up of chemicals produced by the human body; passion versus bonding.

When we have a lot of drive and energy, the passion chemicals are the ones at work. Bonding does not necessarily comes with passion.

Which is why we could love something so much in an instant and yet hate it in another.

That is if you love something in the first place.

But what if you do not love something anymore? How about passion and bonding?

End of Yet Another Busy Week

Time flies and i am actually going to start a brand new week. Felt like nothing has been done and yet i am here again, blogging.

Tuesday the 28th of Feb was the start of the OC Modular conducted at NPCC HQ and went on for a whopping 4 days at the very ulu Choa Chu Kang Home Team Academy. Then when it all ended, it was to be a very long journey home to prepare for the Sec 1 Orientation Camp for the cadets in school.

To make the long story short, the camp ended with a success supposedly and i was actually very glad that many CIs and old boys came back to help. Managed to complete 2 classes of the CA paper throughout one night of marking cum meeting session. (the 3rd stack was completed in between breaks at the course)

So in the end i did not actually sleep for more than a day during the camp. Everything ended around 4pm and i had to stay behind to complete the marks entry till 5 plus. By the time i reached home, i was so tired that i could not even bother to take dinner le.

Slept around 7pm till 8am this morning, and went for the Chinese Quiz Competition from 12 to 430pm into the afternoon. Completed a stack of compo and here i am, blogging. Wonder how this new week is coming to be .... ...

To Explain Y I Am So Busy Everyday

明天就是 OC Modular Course 的第一天，没想到在警团 14 年后，我还是逃脱不了这个厄运。现在是整理制服的时间，搞了老半天，一件衣服都准备不好。还是批了一整天的卷纸，回到了家真的已是疲惫不堪。

It doesn't help that i got people who can score zeros or even fail a simple spelling test. 可能大家可以说："我们都不够时间复习啊！"

但明天就是 CA1 了，才开始想复习也未免有点太迟了吧？

候车记

站在巴士站里等候车子的到来，恍然间发现眼前的景色是平静的。蔚蓝的天空覆盖着绒绒的云朵，而这些白色的棉花底下却伫立着一条孤独的地铁航线。小草在凉头的风中起舞，与身旁的大柱子相比，它显得婀娜多姿，甚至是欢愉的。一只爪哇鸟跃进了大柱子的空隙，然后隐匿其中。也许是喂食去了……也许是休息了……

城市的喧嚣，仿佛都被这副美丽的图画给完全驱散得无影无踪。