I cannot believe that i just woke up, all the things are not done and here i am .... blogging.
237am.
I thought i was late for school. Again. In fact many of my friends who are teachers often have this phobia. I gather we are all stressed up for work. And far-fetched as it seems from this, i just feel teachers are too overtaxed with work. I saw a forum posting in the MOE feedback forum that a teacher "daringly" posted a comment. He said that there is often a high turnover in the number of people teaching every year. He was really concerned about the retention of quality teachers in the service due to the fact that the recent increase in numbers was a result of an economic slump and that an exodus will occur once it picks up.
And of cause the reply from the senior management was a good one.
Not that i am against the government, but i do not feel any sense of joy when i read the reply, which was full of statistics to show proof of what is good.
Statistics?
They do not mean much to me when i am just a small teacher who is hard at work at the lowest level of the hierarchy. When i read the figures, they do not even make any sense. What is important to me now is if i can finish my work on time, whether i am shortchanging my students and whether i can even do my job as a teacher.
The fact is that more often than not, they are shortchanged.
Just take the day that have just passed: I woke up at around 5am and started a frantic preparation to get out of the house. Hoping that i can mark a few workbooks in school after my one day mc, i was stopped short in my work with the administration for the Chinese Quiz competition. Then it went on... much to my frustration .. till 735am, when it was almost time for assembly. My work was cut short short in other words.
Then it was a day of facing students.. which was not exactly a very good experience as i prepared the materials, under stress of very liimited time and at the end of it all, their response was not as what i expected. I think my form class did try but interest was something u could see if it was there. Then 3C whereby the same few people showed me their defiance by sleeping and talking while lesson was going on.
I mean, not that i am expecting perfection, but can't they see the fact that i am really trying hard? Can they not see that i have even went to the point that chinese almost becomes english when lessons were going on? Can they not see that i was trying to make lessons understandable, when it is not even my fault that chinese is a subject that we all have to study?
Then it was 2G with all the stupid questions... "teacher if we write one word less than 500 will we be punished?", "teacher can we interview u for our IPW project?", "teacher can i do my homework at home and not now?".......... and yet i have to put my frustration away when they do come and asked advice on how to do their work. i have to pretent that i am very patient when i was almost exploding inside from all the nonsense. I have to be nurturing, because if i do not, they would feel that this teacher is just going to scold them. I don't want to ask this teacher anymore. And in the end it is just my fault again.
Coming back to the office, and finally i thought i could at least mark a little work. I made a cup of tea (tat was lunch) and the time was already 2pm. A colleague suddenly came over and asked me to discuss with the vendor about the school's cultural immersion program. I told her that i have to go soon as there was the classification shoot later and she told me that it would only take a while. And believing her, i left the cup of tea on the table.
It went until 235pm when i saw Yew Kiat walked past to change into his uniform. So i had no choice but to excuse myself.
Imagine the anger in me when i walked back to my table and i saw that my tea was spilled all over and although the culprits were cleaning it as i arrived, i could not help but feel an overwhelming surge of anger upon myself.
"we were about to write sorry on your table!" quipped one of them.
I was so angry!
I packed my stuff, and cleaned the table again. Tea was all over the undersides of the cups, the workbooks was stained (how was i going to explain to the students) and another unknowing colleague asked me to relay a message through the staff room door.
After the banging and throwing of stuff (i know it is very spoilt of me to do that, maybe even dangerous), i stormed out of the office to go downstairs for the bus.
Reached HQ at 1510 hrs and was immediately bombed with duty as range safety officer. In a weak moment of desperation i asked, "start already ah?"
"if not wait till when?" was the reply.
I can only manage a weak smile.
Then there were many unhappy things happening in the range, people were complaining about the selfishness of some schools, and there was even a foreign school joining us for the shoot whereby we have to serve them. There was no closure, there was not even a single attempt to recognise us for our efforts. I hear Yew Kiat's grousings and much as i want to support him, i felt that there was no point in my doing so. Nothing would change and there was nothing that we could do to change that.
There was still the sec 4s to talk to after that infamous incident but there was simply no time. I asked Yan Han if he had talked to them and he said he was planning to do it during dinner with them. He asked me if i wanted to go along but i said no. My gut tells me that it wasn't a good time. Or maybe because i was not concerned enough?
Frankly speaking, i do not know.
So we started walking to the exit of HQ, and in a moment of luck, we saw 2 of the PL teachers getting into their car. And we were offered a ride home.
Finally a change of luck! (i thought) And when we got into the car, i was stung by a wasp. :(
Numbness came and i thought i was going to get into a seizure. Then they adviced me to go and see the doctor but the usual melocholic me told them that it was better off dead. So i don't have to go school tomorrow.
And finally dinner at home. i think i am at least fortunate to have auntie cooking dinner for me.
715pm.
The day did not stop a single second since 5am.
And i slept the moment i got into my bedroom. I thought a short nap would do some good before i mark the many overdue assignments and tests. Long overdue in fact.
And the nap came to 237am.
And instead of marking, i am blogging.
Why am i blogging? I think i am shortchanging the students again. But am i being shortchanged too.............
Guess its back to marking... before i embark on yet another crazy day, where official work is detailed to at least 430pm....
Will it ever stop?
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