Wow it's been a long long while since the blog moved.
Suddenly i recalled what Kaiz said to me and thought i should share my life a bit.
Pity it's very much revolved around school.
As usual breakfast was very rushed this morning as I had to attend a lunar 7th month dinner with family. Not that i like such events but somehow a sense of responsibility hangs over the notion to say yes. So after a long day at work, i had to rush back in a cab, bathed and before i know it, i was at the very very long dinner.
My understanding of a 中秋晚宴：raise money for charity, fund-raising, social networking, show of spending power, family get-together, etc. . .
My observation of the opera singers at the side: determination, passion, need to earn extra money, be able to sustain interest even if nobody else supports, etc. . .
then i only got to sleep at 0130hrs!
That explains why I am so tired on friday! and then whole day of lessons, clear admin, write emails, meet O for consultation, check out on talentime rehearsals, bring the Xi'an teacher out for dinner, then went out for another dinner with fren and then a movie and now i am at home writing this blog!
super busy rite? :p
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
23 August 2008
05 September 2007
Loss
Want to say thank all of you who have one way or the other consoled me in the loss of my father.
It was 8 years ago since he was first diagnosed with the condition. I remember a short while later, mother passed away and there i was, sitting at the hospital bed, all by myself and thinking how lonely and helpless i was in the middle of the night. The tears flowed so much that i had to wash them away and went back to the chair, hoping that father would wake up from his comma.
It has been a few years since the last comma and eventually the inevitable moment of truth. And the feeling of loneliness is still ever as potent.
The importance of having a family; you only feel the loss and the helplessness when it strikes you. How many do really treasure what they already have, no matter how dysfunctional?
How about having none?
It has been 8 years of hospital running, a lot of frustrations and anguish, the skyhigh bills, the gargantuan amount of red tape, the trouble of repeating mindless interviews and appointments time and time again, the admission and the discharge from wards, the changing of beds, the quarrels, the ...
Yet, what are all these compared to the loss of a loved one?
And Miss T was right, the tough part is when all the matters at hand are resolved, and suddenly the void comes in and you are left again to face the memories all alone all over again.
You just feel it suddenly, it can be a moment at the stairs, when you are looking further in front of you, working halfway, a moment of silence, and regret and loss and everything else floods in.
Yet there's not much we can gain from the sadness, which was why i went back to work almost immediately. Life is transient, and all the more we should make full use of it... even if it's just mere minutes away, if i could have waited for those few minutes.. maybe i would have taken a last look.
It was 8 years ago since he was first diagnosed with the condition. I remember a short while later, mother passed away and there i was, sitting at the hospital bed, all by myself and thinking how lonely and helpless i was in the middle of the night. The tears flowed so much that i had to wash them away and went back to the chair, hoping that father would wake up from his comma.
It has been a few years since the last comma and eventually the inevitable moment of truth. And the feeling of loneliness is still ever as potent.
The importance of having a family; you only feel the loss and the helplessness when it strikes you. How many do really treasure what they already have, no matter how dysfunctional?
How about having none?
It has been 8 years of hospital running, a lot of frustrations and anguish, the skyhigh bills, the gargantuan amount of red tape, the trouble of repeating mindless interviews and appointments time and time again, the admission and the discharge from wards, the changing of beds, the quarrels, the ...
Yet, what are all these compared to the loss of a loved one?
And Miss T was right, the tough part is when all the matters at hand are resolved, and suddenly the void comes in and you are left again to face the memories all alone all over again.
You just feel it suddenly, it can be a moment at the stairs, when you are looking further in front of you, working halfway, a moment of silence, and regret and loss and everything else floods in.
Yet there's not much we can gain from the sadness, which was why i went back to work almost immediately. Life is transient, and all the more we should make full use of it... even if it's just mere minutes away, if i could have waited for those few minutes.. maybe i would have taken a last look.
26 August 2007
Awakening
At the hospital visiting dad when he was found to be asleep. I did not wake him up as he had always complained about his inability to sleep all these years because of the breathlessness. He had seldom been so soundly asleep. Despite the disturbances from the nurses and the talking from the visitors, he held on still in his dreams. I stood there, quiet and reading a wad of newpapers in my hands, silent in the room where many patients were attended by their loved ones.
The nurse called out his name and he was still fast asleep. As he woke, he did not seem to be able to respond to the conversation. I figured it must all have been a blur to him, to be awoken from his deep sleep. And it didn't seem that he got the message that i was already by his side at the bed when the nurse tried to capture his attention.
Then it dawned on me.
What if the future will be as such? What if we could never communicate any more? Would the persistence had been fruitful and achieved whatever means it had been intended?
Father did not asked for much. The usual complaints, the single request for a piece of soap although toiletries were provided for.
I guess I will have to get him, for that was the only thing I can do at the very least.
The nurse called out his name and he was still fast asleep. As he woke, he did not seem to be able to respond to the conversation. I figured it must all have been a blur to him, to be awoken from his deep sleep. And it didn't seem that he got the message that i was already by his side at the bed when the nurse tried to capture his attention.
Then it dawned on me.
What if the future will be as such? What if we could never communicate any more? Would the persistence had been fruitful and achieved whatever means it had been intended?
Father did not asked for much. The usual complaints, the single request for a piece of soap although toiletries were provided for.
I guess I will have to get him, for that was the only thing I can do at the very least.
13 July 2007
面对（死亡）
虽然极不愿意，今天还是再度与死亡（碰头）。
曾祖母于92岁高龄患上盲肠炎，在医院里把大家都吓得眼泪几乎夺眶。瘦弱的身躯，一脸的病容，几位阿姨瞧在眼里，那泪都差点忍不住了。大家心里都非常恐慌……万一阿祖就这样离我们而去，那我们的心不就都会碎裂吗？
但阿祖却一直示意要我们回家，大家都必须工作，早点回去休息吧！
我只能强忍……不让发酸的鼻子触动泪泉。
阿祖，您一定要好起来！
曾祖母于92岁高龄患上盲肠炎，在医院里把大家都吓得眼泪几乎夺眶。瘦弱的身躯，一脸的病容，几位阿姨瞧在眼里，那泪都差点忍不住了。大家心里都非常恐慌……万一阿祖就这样离我们而去，那我们的心不就都会碎裂吗？
但阿祖却一直示意要我们回家，大家都必须工作，早点回去休息吧！
我只能强忍……不让发酸的鼻子触动泪泉。
阿祖，您一定要好起来！
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