明天就是 OC Modular Course 的第一天，没想到在警团 14 年后，我还是逃脱不了这个厄运。现在是整理制服的时间，搞了老半天，一件衣服都准备不好。还是批了一整天的卷纸，回到了家真的已是疲惫不堪。
It doesn't help that i got people who can score zeros or even fail a simple spelling test. 可能大家可以说："我们都不够时间复习啊！"
但明天就是 CA1 了，才开始想复习也未免有点太迟了吧？
27 February 2006
26 February 2006
候车记
站在巴士站里等候车子的到来，恍然间发现眼前的景色是平静的。蔚蓝的天空覆盖着绒绒的云朵，而这些白色的棉花底下却伫立着一条孤独的地铁航线。小草在凉头的风中起舞，与身旁的大柱子相比，它显得婀娜多姿，甚至是欢愉的。一只爪哇鸟跃进了大柱子的空隙，然后隐匿其中。也许是喂食去了……也许是休息了……
城市的喧嚣，仿佛都被这副美丽的图画给完全驱散得无影无踪。
城市的喧嚣，仿佛都被这副美丽的图画给完全驱散得无影无踪。
21 February 2006
Achievements...
Somehow i am harbouring the thought that passionate teachers will never last through the service.
As i am sitting at my work table in the office, this seems to fill up all my thoughts.
Today i am being asked to produce an entire stack of materials for Chinese O Level examinations. And to make matters worse, all the work has to be completed within a month, right after the March holidays, for which monday to wednesday must be spent at Batam.
Han asked me to conduct extra trainings for the cadets on thursday and friday. I have a lot of overdue assignments. I have 3 classes of workbooks on my table now. I have not stopped marking since 3pm.
i will not leave the office until the papers are marked and marks recorded and the workbooks finished for the sec 2s. I will finish my RME journals before i go. And students are still not submitting the journals.
It upsets me but yet i cannot scold them for the journals if they feel its an unimportant subject.
I spent the whole evening trying to summarise "The Clash of Civilizations" on the religion issue as i thought it might be useful to them. So that they will not feel that being sensitive to religion is a shallow thing to do.
tomorrow there are students supposed to see me for re-test because they refuse to study even if time was give to them upright. I want them to see the point of working for their results.
They are seeing a teacher who will not give up even if it means that they do.
i am putting Serene's gift which says "Never Say Die", a stand which is supposed to encourage myself.
I wanted to talk to the NCOs on the sec 1 camp and the way they have been running activities.
The exco was chosen without my knowledge and i was supposed to comment even if they choose someone who is not from the campcraft team.
i am supposed to pay competition fees for the chinese quiz competition.
i keep having the thinking that people are seeing me as a slacker-teacher.
Is the desire to do my best so hard to achieve?
As i am sitting at my work table in the office, this seems to fill up all my thoughts.
Today i am being asked to produce an entire stack of materials for Chinese O Level examinations. And to make matters worse, all the work has to be completed within a month, right after the March holidays, for which monday to wednesday must be spent at Batam.
Han asked me to conduct extra trainings for the cadets on thursday and friday. I have a lot of overdue assignments. I have 3 classes of workbooks on my table now. I have not stopped marking since 3pm.
i will not leave the office until the papers are marked and marks recorded and the workbooks finished for the sec 2s. I will finish my RME journals before i go. And students are still not submitting the journals.
It upsets me but yet i cannot scold them for the journals if they feel its an unimportant subject.
I spent the whole evening trying to summarise "The Clash of Civilizations" on the religion issue as i thought it might be useful to them. So that they will not feel that being sensitive to religion is a shallow thing to do.
tomorrow there are students supposed to see me for re-test because they refuse to study even if time was give to them upright. I want them to see the point of working for their results.
They are seeing a teacher who will not give up even if it means that they do.
i am putting Serene's gift which says "Never Say Die", a stand which is supposed to encourage myself.
I wanted to talk to the NCOs on the sec 1 camp and the way they have been running activities.
The exco was chosen without my knowledge and i was supposed to comment even if they choose someone who is not from the campcraft team.
i am supposed to pay competition fees for the chinese quiz competition.
i keep having the thinking that people are seeing me as a slacker-teacher.
Is the desire to do my best so hard to achieve?
12 February 2006
泪光
又是一个让人感动的时刻。
震耳欲聋的掌声与欢呼声在校长竭力宣布成绩的当儿，完完全全地笼罩着我的心房。那种声音是发自内心的；经过了无比的考验与辛劳，尝到的成功又是什么滋味？
我的眼角泛出了泪光，但这泪水却是欢愉的。
震耳欲聋的掌声与欢呼声在校长竭力宣布成绩的当儿，完完全全地笼罩着我的心房。那种声音是发自内心的；经过了无比的考验与辛劳，尝到的成功又是什么滋味？
我的眼角泛出了泪光，但这泪水却是欢愉的。
08 February 2006
This is a Super Long Posting
I cannot believe that i just woke up, all the things are not done and here i am .... blogging.
237am.
I thought i was late for school. Again. In fact many of my friends who are teachers often have this phobia. I gather we are all stressed up for work. And far-fetched as it seems from this, i just feel teachers are too overtaxed with work. I saw a forum posting in the MOE feedback forum that a teacher "daringly" posted a comment. He said that there is often a high turnover in the number of people teaching every year. He was really concerned about the retention of quality teachers in the service due to the fact that the recent increase in numbers was a result of an economic slump and that an exodus will occur once it picks up.
And of cause the reply from the senior management was a good one.
Not that i am against the government, but i do not feel any sense of joy when i read the reply, which was full of statistics to show proof of what is good.
Statistics?
They do not mean much to me when i am just a small teacher who is hard at work at the lowest level of the hierarchy. When i read the figures, they do not even make any sense. What is important to me now is if i can finish my work on time, whether i am shortchanging my students and whether i can even do my job as a teacher.
The fact is that more often than not, they are shortchanged.
Just take the day that have just passed: I woke up at around 5am and started a frantic preparation to get out of the house. Hoping that i can mark a few workbooks in school after my one day mc, i was stopped short in my work with the administration for the Chinese Quiz competition. Then it went on... much to my frustration .. till 735am, when it was almost time for assembly. My work was cut short short in other words.
Then it was a day of facing students.. which was not exactly a very good experience as i prepared the materials, under stress of very liimited time and at the end of it all, their response was not as what i expected. I think my form class did try but interest was something u could see if it was there. Then 3C whereby the same few people showed me their defiance by sleeping and talking while lesson was going on.
I mean, not that i am expecting perfection, but can't they see the fact that i am really trying hard? Can they not see that i have even went to the point that chinese almost becomes english when lessons were going on? Can they not see that i was trying to make lessons understandable, when it is not even my fault that chinese is a subject that we all have to study?
Then it was 2G with all the stupid questions... "teacher if we write one word less than 500 will we be punished?", "teacher can we interview u for our IPW project?", "teacher can i do my homework at home and not now?".......... and yet i have to put my frustration away when they do come and asked advice on how to do their work. i have to pretent that i am very patient when i was almost exploding inside from all the nonsense. I have to be nurturing, because if i do not, they would feel that this teacher is just going to scold them. I don't want to ask this teacher anymore. And in the end it is just my fault again.
Coming back to the office, and finally i thought i could at least mark a little work. I made a cup of tea (tat was lunch) and the time was already 2pm. A colleague suddenly came over and asked me to discuss with the vendor about the school's cultural immersion program. I told her that i have to go soon as there was the classification shoot later and she told me that it would only take a while. And believing her, i left the cup of tea on the table.
It went until 235pm when i saw Yew Kiat walked past to change into his uniform. So i had no choice but to excuse myself.
Imagine the anger in me when i walked back to my table and i saw that my tea was spilled all over and although the culprits were cleaning it as i arrived, i could not help but feel an overwhelming surge of anger upon myself.
"we were about to write sorry on your table!" quipped one of them.
I was so angry!
I packed my stuff, and cleaned the table again. Tea was all over the undersides of the cups, the workbooks was stained (how was i going to explain to the students) and another unknowing colleague asked me to relay a message through the staff room door.
After the banging and throwing of stuff (i know it is very spoilt of me to do that, maybe even dangerous), i stormed out of the office to go downstairs for the bus.
Reached HQ at 1510 hrs and was immediately bombed with duty as range safety officer. In a weak moment of desperation i asked, "start already ah?"
"if not wait till when?" was the reply.
I can only manage a weak smile.
Then there were many unhappy things happening in the range, people were complaining about the selfishness of some schools, and there was even a foreign school joining us for the shoot whereby we have to serve them. There was no closure, there was not even a single attempt to recognise us for our efforts. I hear Yew Kiat's grousings and much as i want to support him, i felt that there was no point in my doing so. Nothing would change and there was nothing that we could do to change that.
There was still the sec 4s to talk to after that infamous incident but there was simply no time. I asked Yan Han if he had talked to them and he said he was planning to do it during dinner with them. He asked me if i wanted to go along but i said no. My gut tells me that it wasn't a good time. Or maybe because i was not concerned enough?
Frankly speaking, i do not know.
So we started walking to the exit of HQ, and in a moment of luck, we saw 2 of the PL teachers getting into their car. And we were offered a ride home.
Finally a change of luck! (i thought) And when we got into the car, i was stung by a wasp. :(
Numbness came and i thought i was going to get into a seizure. Then they adviced me to go and see the doctor but the usual melocholic me told them that it was better off dead. So i don't have to go school tomorrow.
And finally dinner at home. i think i am at least fortunate to have auntie cooking dinner for me.
715pm.
The day did not stop a single second since 5am.
And i slept the moment i got into my bedroom. I thought a short nap would do some good before i mark the many overdue assignments and tests. Long overdue in fact.
And the nap came to 237am.
And instead of marking, i am blogging.
Why am i blogging? I think i am shortchanging the students again. But am i being shortchanged too.............
Guess its back to marking... before i embark on yet another crazy day, where official work is detailed to at least 430pm....
Will it ever stop?
237am.
I thought i was late for school. Again. In fact many of my friends who are teachers often have this phobia. I gather we are all stressed up for work. And far-fetched as it seems from this, i just feel teachers are too overtaxed with work. I saw a forum posting in the MOE feedback forum that a teacher "daringly" posted a comment. He said that there is often a high turnover in the number of people teaching every year. He was really concerned about the retention of quality teachers in the service due to the fact that the recent increase in numbers was a result of an economic slump and that an exodus will occur once it picks up.
And of cause the reply from the senior management was a good one.
Not that i am against the government, but i do not feel any sense of joy when i read the reply, which was full of statistics to show proof of what is good.
Statistics?
They do not mean much to me when i am just a small teacher who is hard at work at the lowest level of the hierarchy. When i read the figures, they do not even make any sense. What is important to me now is if i can finish my work on time, whether i am shortchanging my students and whether i can even do my job as a teacher.
The fact is that more often than not, they are shortchanged.
Just take the day that have just passed: I woke up at around 5am and started a frantic preparation to get out of the house. Hoping that i can mark a few workbooks in school after my one day mc, i was stopped short in my work with the administration for the Chinese Quiz competition. Then it went on... much to my frustration .. till 735am, when it was almost time for assembly. My work was cut short short in other words.
Then it was a day of facing students.. which was not exactly a very good experience as i prepared the materials, under stress of very liimited time and at the end of it all, their response was not as what i expected. I think my form class did try but interest was something u could see if it was there. Then 3C whereby the same few people showed me their defiance by sleeping and talking while lesson was going on.
I mean, not that i am expecting perfection, but can't they see the fact that i am really trying hard? Can they not see that i have even went to the point that chinese almost becomes english when lessons were going on? Can they not see that i was trying to make lessons understandable, when it is not even my fault that chinese is a subject that we all have to study?
Then it was 2G with all the stupid questions... "teacher if we write one word less than 500 will we be punished?", "teacher can we interview u for our IPW project?", "teacher can i do my homework at home and not now?".......... and yet i have to put my frustration away when they do come and asked advice on how to do their work. i have to pretent that i am very patient when i was almost exploding inside from all the nonsense. I have to be nurturing, because if i do not, they would feel that this teacher is just going to scold them. I don't want to ask this teacher anymore. And in the end it is just my fault again.
Coming back to the office, and finally i thought i could at least mark a little work. I made a cup of tea (tat was lunch) and the time was already 2pm. A colleague suddenly came over and asked me to discuss with the vendor about the school's cultural immersion program. I told her that i have to go soon as there was the classification shoot later and she told me that it would only take a while. And believing her, i left the cup of tea on the table.
It went until 235pm when i saw Yew Kiat walked past to change into his uniform. So i had no choice but to excuse myself.
Imagine the anger in me when i walked back to my table and i saw that my tea was spilled all over and although the culprits were cleaning it as i arrived, i could not help but feel an overwhelming surge of anger upon myself.
"we were about to write sorry on your table!" quipped one of them.
I was so angry!
I packed my stuff, and cleaned the table again. Tea was all over the undersides of the cups, the workbooks was stained (how was i going to explain to the students) and another unknowing colleague asked me to relay a message through the staff room door.
After the banging and throwing of stuff (i know it is very spoilt of me to do that, maybe even dangerous), i stormed out of the office to go downstairs for the bus.
Reached HQ at 1510 hrs and was immediately bombed with duty as range safety officer. In a weak moment of desperation i asked, "start already ah?"
"if not wait till when?" was the reply.
I can only manage a weak smile.
Then there were many unhappy things happening in the range, people were complaining about the selfishness of some schools, and there was even a foreign school joining us for the shoot whereby we have to serve them. There was no closure, there was not even a single attempt to recognise us for our efforts. I hear Yew Kiat's grousings and much as i want to support him, i felt that there was no point in my doing so. Nothing would change and there was nothing that we could do to change that.
There was still the sec 4s to talk to after that infamous incident but there was simply no time. I asked Yan Han if he had talked to them and he said he was planning to do it during dinner with them. He asked me if i wanted to go along but i said no. My gut tells me that it wasn't a good time. Or maybe because i was not concerned enough?
Frankly speaking, i do not know.
So we started walking to the exit of HQ, and in a moment of luck, we saw 2 of the PL teachers getting into their car. And we were offered a ride home.
Finally a change of luck! (i thought) And when we got into the car, i was stung by a wasp. :(
Numbness came and i thought i was going to get into a seizure. Then they adviced me to go and see the doctor but the usual melocholic me told them that it was better off dead. So i don't have to go school tomorrow.
And finally dinner at home. i think i am at least fortunate to have auntie cooking dinner for me.
715pm.
The day did not stop a single second since 5am.
And i slept the moment i got into my bedroom. I thought a short nap would do some good before i mark the many overdue assignments and tests. Long overdue in fact.
And the nap came to 237am.
And instead of marking, i am blogging.
Why am i blogging? I think i am shortchanging the students again. But am i being shortchanged too.............
Guess its back to marking... before i embark on yet another crazy day, where official work is detailed to at least 430pm....
Will it ever stop?
06 February 2006
Then & Now
I think i have many regrets when it comes to playing the role of training officer in Marist NPCC. It cannot be what it seemed to be in the old days when there were lots of time to share and teach, or to be a good example as a leader.
Teaching has it's pains and added onto the burden is the age that creates the generation gap between cadets and officer.
Passionate is the desire but yet mediocre is the performance. What is nurturing when quality time cannot be spent? Time gives experience but so does it alienates generations of different people.
The flame of the past versus the spirit of today?
Teaching has it's pains and added onto the burden is the age that creates the generation gap between cadets and officer.
Passionate is the desire but yet mediocre is the performance. What is nurturing when quality time cannot be spent? Time gives experience but so does it alienates generations of different people.
The flame of the past versus the spirit of today?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)