Felt kind of bad when i see many of the guys in the class suffering from exam stress and i cannot do much to help them.
Even sometimes morning assemblies seemed so rushed. Had invigilations to rush to, marks to enter, papers to mark.... just the prelim 2 marks took me more than 15 columns to fill in for each student... you can imagine the amount of work to be done for all the 5 classes that i have to handle, not to mention the differences in subjects handled?
And then forms, admin... chase attendance... all are killing me... but the worst is of the fact that i cannot seem to be helping in any sense with the mental preparation.
Today i asked Q if he was alright and he said he was not.
I was at a loss of words.
I did not know what to do. Was there anything i could have helped?
I hope tomorrow will be better
29 September 2007
28 September 2007
Pride
Was at Nanchiau high today when i was led to see the final work piece done by B.
It was a piece of work really well done. Although i don't understand art in many ways, it was really a good piece that met the eyes.
The art teacher was singing his praises and some of the other teachers were saying that his work has a lot of perspective and depth.
Somehow, the heart feels warm and glad when one of your very own students from the form class performs.
Cheers my dear boy.
It was a piece of work really well done. Although i don't understand art in many ways, it was really a good piece that met the eyes.
The art teacher was singing his praises and some of the other teachers were saying that his work has a lot of perspective and depth.
Somehow, the heart feels warm and glad when one of your very own students from the form class performs.
Cheers my dear boy.
Life
Many posts today, was out with a good friend and she told me that she cried over a race done in honour of a lady who passed away from cancer.
That led me to think about Serene and Jasper, and partings, and life.
So i asked her, "Did you ponder about the meaning of life then?"
"No, i wanted it to go away real fast."
Maybe sometimes life is really better living in the moment
That led me to think about Serene and Jasper, and partings, and life.
So i asked her, "Did you ponder about the meaning of life then?"
"No, i wanted it to go away real fast."
Maybe sometimes life is really better living in the moment
Role Model?
Sometimes it makes you wonder if kids really listen.
You cannot confirm cos no one comes and tell you that you do.
Maybe they really don't obey but actually listen.
You cannot confirm cos no one comes and tell you that you do.
Maybe they really don't obey but actually listen.
Children Will Listen
How do you say to your child in the night
Nothing is all black but then nothing is all white?
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it mightn’t be true?
What do you do?
Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see.
And learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say,
"listen to me."
Children will listen.
Careful the wish you make,
Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take,
Wishes come true,
Not free.
Careful the spell you cast,
Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you...
Careful the tale you tell.
That is the spell.
Children will listen...
How can you say to a child who’s in flight,
Don’t slip away and I won’t hold so tight?
What can you say that no matter how slight won’t be misunderstood?
What do you leave to your child when you’re dead
Only what ever you put in its head
Things that your mother and father had said
Which were left to them too.
Careful what you say, children will listen
Careful you do it too, children will see and learn.
Oh!
Guide them but step away,
Children will glisten.
Temper with what is true
And children will turn,
If just to be free.
Careful before you say,
"listen to me."
Children will listen...
Children will listen!
Children, children will listen
Nothing is all black but then nothing is all white?
How do you say it will all be all right
When you know that it mightn’t be true?
What do you do?
Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see.
And learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say,
"listen to me."
Children will listen.
Careful the wish you make,
Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take,
Wishes come true,
Not free.
Careful the spell you cast,
Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last
Past what you can see
And turn against you...
Careful the tale you tell.
That is the spell.
Children will listen...
How can you say to a child who’s in flight,
Don’t slip away and I won’t hold so tight?
What can you say that no matter how slight won’t be misunderstood?
What do you leave to your child when you’re dead
Only what ever you put in its head
Things that your mother and father had said
Which were left to them too.
Careful what you say, children will listen
Careful you do it too, children will see and learn.
Oh!
Guide them but step away,
Children will glisten.
Temper with what is true
And children will turn,
If just to be free.
Careful before you say,
"listen to me."
Children will listen...
Children will listen!
Children, children will listen
20 September 2007
造反
前天看到一篇关于我国先驱人物连士升的专题报道。其中一观点让人获益不浅。
读书、学习为的就是把基础打好。基础打好才能改变社会。想想看，自古以来改变社会的都是有能力的人，而个个都是身有稳固基础的杰出人物。就好比李光耀资政；他就不是一个学业顶尖，充满魄力的一个人吗？
连士升也说，造反是不正确的行为。没基础的造反是没有意义的。没基础的人容易被别人利用，最后还是会落得个吃亏的下场。
因此，在造反以前，我们不妨想想：这样的做法是否值得？是否有意义？
读书、学习为的就是把基础打好。基础打好才能改变社会。想想看，自古以来改变社会的都是有能力的人，而个个都是身有稳固基础的杰出人物。就好比李光耀资政；他就不是一个学业顶尖，充满魄力的一个人吗？
连士升也说，造反是不正确的行为。没基础的造反是没有意义的。没基础的人容易被别人利用，最后还是会落得个吃亏的下场。
因此，在造反以前，我们不妨想想：这样的做法是否值得？是否有意义？
19 September 2007
责任感
It's really disappointing when you guys promised me something and not deliver.
It's like telling you something important and asking to do the correct thing and yet it is simply not done. What does it take for you to do the right thing? Isn't it wrong when you already choose not to turn up and worse still, not to account for it? A wrong does not take another to correct it.
Why don't you just face up to it and take responsibility?
Do I really have to do things the hard and ugly way?
Why are we doing this?
It's like telling you something important and asking to do the correct thing and yet it is simply not done. What does it take for you to do the right thing? Isn't it wrong when you already choose not to turn up and worse still, not to account for it? A wrong does not take another to correct it.
Why don't you just face up to it and take responsibility?
Do I really have to do things the hard and ugly way?
Why are we doing this?
18 September 2007
谢谢！
今天碰上了意外的惊喜！
课堂结束时，几个学生竟然抱了一堆礼物，说是要送给我的。当时真的感到很高兴；从来都没有想过他们会送礼物给我。二老板说，算他们还有良心！
但说真的，我从来也没有想过能在教师节收到礼物……毕竟自己卖的是严肃与拘谨的形象。
卡片中有这样一句话：“谢谢你的细心教导……不然我们的华文会不及格。" 真是让人觉得好笑又好感动……
课堂结束时，几个学生竟然抱了一堆礼物，说是要送给我的。当时真的感到很高兴；从来都没有想过他们会送礼物给我。二老板说，算他们还有良心！
但说真的，我从来也没有想过能在教师节收到礼物……毕竟自己卖的是严肃与拘谨的形象。
卡片中有这样一句话：“谢谢你的细心教导……不然我们的华文会不及格。" 真是让人觉得好笑又好感动……
17 September 2007
早报篇章
恩师……卓涵
新学年开始不久，在新跃大学走廊上遇见老师。虽然间隔了 20 多年，他还是一眼认出了我，还记得我的名字。老师桃李满天下，要记得学生的面孔谈何容易，更何况是名字，可见老师记忆超强。
老师已过耳顺之年，退休后到大学夜间部教书。我坐在偌大讲堂里听他讲解中国文字学，目视依然清癯硬朗的身材，聆听抑扬顿挫的语调，霎时间，有时空交错的感觉。
80 年代那个午后，和同学们坐在黄城的课室里，听老师讲解吴敬梓的《儒林外史》。课室外蝉儿在木麻黄树上叫着 “知了、知了"，课室内有郁郁寡欢的我们。蒙受教育政策 “由华转英" 的一记闷棍后，年少的我们感到前途茫然。老师洞悉心情，放下教科书，语重心长道：“再给它 10 年 20 年，中国将会崛起，届时华文话语的地位将不可同日而语。" 毕业后，我在英语世界里为立足感到委屈时，老师这番话总适时萦绕耳际。许多年过去，我在英语世界里找到据点，老师当年富前瞻性的预言也成了事实。
上完第一堂辅导课，老师问我：“还有写作吗？有出第二本书吗？" 那关切的问题令我惊讶 －－－－ 那么多年，他依然记得我喜欢涂写文章。一时间，因感动而语塞。当年老师以华初书画协会的基金赞助我出版第一本散文集。那样的提携对一个在写作道路上摸索的学子来说是极大肯定。
过去的岁月里，一度让秃笔尘封，也一度与中文世界脱节，但始终不敢忘怀过去数位华文老师的教诲。三年前决定重返校园修读与专业无关的汉语言文学系，细细想来是于老师当年的循循善诱有一些渊源的。
古语说：“一日为师，终生为父"，我为着能两度成为老师的学生怀着感恩之心。
新学年开始不久，在新跃大学走廊上遇见老师。虽然间隔了 20 多年，他还是一眼认出了我，还记得我的名字。老师桃李满天下，要记得学生的面孔谈何容易，更何况是名字，可见老师记忆超强。
老师已过耳顺之年，退休后到大学夜间部教书。我坐在偌大讲堂里听他讲解中国文字学，目视依然清癯硬朗的身材，聆听抑扬顿挫的语调，霎时间，有时空交错的感觉。
80 年代那个午后，和同学们坐在黄城的课室里，听老师讲解吴敬梓的《儒林外史》。课室外蝉儿在木麻黄树上叫着 “知了、知了"，课室内有郁郁寡欢的我们。蒙受教育政策 “由华转英" 的一记闷棍后，年少的我们感到前途茫然。老师洞悉心情，放下教科书，语重心长道：“再给它 10 年 20 年，中国将会崛起，届时华文话语的地位将不可同日而语。" 毕业后，我在英语世界里为立足感到委屈时，老师这番话总适时萦绕耳际。许多年过去，我在英语世界里找到据点，老师当年富前瞻性的预言也成了事实。
上完第一堂辅导课，老师问我：“还有写作吗？有出第二本书吗？" 那关切的问题令我惊讶 －－－－ 那么多年，他依然记得我喜欢涂写文章。一时间，因感动而语塞。当年老师以华初书画协会的基金赞助我出版第一本散文集。那样的提携对一个在写作道路上摸索的学子来说是极大肯定。
过去的岁月里，一度让秃笔尘封，也一度与中文世界脱节，但始终不敢忘怀过去数位华文老师的教诲。三年前决定重返校园修读与专业无关的汉语言文学系，细细想来是于老师当年的循循善诱有一些渊源的。
古语说：“一日为师，终生为父"，我为着能两度成为老师的学生怀着感恩之心。
16 September 2007
Responsibility?
At the morning of your Service day, you call and said that you are at tuition and you suppose that it was the responsible thing to do?
Do you tell me that you do not know you need to inform beforehand when the instruction was repeated zillions of times?
How about the irreversible fact that you will be potentially out of the race for the SPFNPCC badge once you miss service day?
More importantly, what do you treat this CCA as? What are you treating your officers and unit as?
Do you tell me that you do not know you need to inform beforehand when the instruction was repeated zillions of times?
How about the irreversible fact that you will be potentially out of the race for the SPFNPCC badge once you miss service day?
More importantly, what do you treat this CCA as? What are you treating your officers and unit as?
15 September 2007
Long Line!
What a long long saturday.... woke up late, arrived at school around 7 plus, administered the Service Day thingy and only reached home around 4pm! Tried hard to fight sleep and in the end went for a run.... and it added up to 11km, burning hot sensation reaches you when u run very long distances (yeah 10 km considered long for me le... always run around 5km)... and putting up photos for cadets.... now have to go for lunch! And haven't got to practice calligraphy and marking prelim scripts! i am so dead! !!!
礼物
I forgot to blog about Teachers' Day!
Have got some presents, mainly from my beloved form class, and i liked the cards a lot, 1 from whole class, 1 from just 3 of them and 1 from just 1 of them. Then there was a white parker pen (really nice), 2 tins of cookies (delicious), chocolate (i love chocolate!), a photo frame (they say must put class pic in it), a book (really thoughtful), a note from a student from another class who confirmed my efforts (i liked it a lot).
Though not many compared to many of my colleagues, i was really touched. I thought i would not be receiving any as i was quite fierce and strict most of the time, so naturally i was very happy then.
Let's just hope the connection will stay for the years to come!
Have got some presents, mainly from my beloved form class, and i liked the cards a lot, 1 from whole class, 1 from just 3 of them and 1 from just 1 of them. Then there was a white parker pen (really nice), 2 tins of cookies (delicious), chocolate (i love chocolate!), a photo frame (they say must put class pic in it), a book (really thoughtful), a note from a student from another class who confirmed my efforts (i liked it a lot).
Though not many compared to many of my colleagues, i was really touched. I thought i would not be receiving any as i was quite fierce and strict most of the time, so naturally i was very happy then.
Let's just hope the connection will stay for the years to come!
不公平的看法
If you want my feelings about the response on the CI course applicants, i think i must say i am disappointed.
My good friend says it does not mean no applicant or only one applicant means they are not appreciative or ungrateful. They can bring what they learnt from the unit and make merit for other people when they go to their JCs and so on.
So i was thinking, if that could be true, then what happens to their juniors who will be leaderless?
Good friend brother says the graduands could be wanting recognition.
I was thinking, you mean we still have to invite you to be coming back as a CI when it should be you who should feel grateful to have learnt many things and then wanting to come back and do your part for your juniors?
Last time i was still doing this shameless thing but now, i think i do not want to put myself so low anymore.
There are bound to be successes and failures, some years we train very grateful cadets, sometimes we don't. For the years when we are successful, we are rewarded for cadets who are selfless and sacrifice for the unit. For others, we produce people who want to move on.
Maybe it is not a bad thing. You can say these people are not ungrateful, they just feel they want to move on. It does not mean that they don't feel anything for the unit.
As for myself, i guess it does not really matter. If we have the heart, things will always work themselves out.
If it was really the case of grateful cadets who just wanted to move on, then i must say we are really effective to have produced 24 of them, with only 1 who wants to come back.
And no, i am not being negative about them or harsh on myself as a nurturing officer, but rather just being very opinionated and overly passionate on this place i call my 2nd home.
My good friend says it does not mean no applicant or only one applicant means they are not appreciative or ungrateful. They can bring what they learnt from the unit and make merit for other people when they go to their JCs and so on.
So i was thinking, if that could be true, then what happens to their juniors who will be leaderless?
Good friend brother says the graduands could be wanting recognition.
I was thinking, you mean we still have to invite you to be coming back as a CI when it should be you who should feel grateful to have learnt many things and then wanting to come back and do your part for your juniors?
Last time i was still doing this shameless thing but now, i think i do not want to put myself so low anymore.
There are bound to be successes and failures, some years we train very grateful cadets, sometimes we don't. For the years when we are successful, we are rewarded for cadets who are selfless and sacrifice for the unit. For others, we produce people who want to move on.
Maybe it is not a bad thing. You can say these people are not ungrateful, they just feel they want to move on. It does not mean that they don't feel anything for the unit.
As for myself, i guess it does not really matter. If we have the heart, things will always work themselves out.
If it was really the case of grateful cadets who just wanted to move on, then i must say we are really effective to have produced 24 of them, with only 1 who wants to come back.
And no, i am not being negative about them or harsh on myself as a nurturing officer, but rather just being very opinionated and overly passionate on this place i call my 2nd home.
12 September 2007
Defining teaching
A certain part of an article that touches me a lot… …
The angel came closer to have a better look at the model of the teacher that God was making and ran his finger over the teacher’s cheek.
“Well, Lord,” said the angel, your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you you were putting too much into this model. You cannot imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher.”
The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher’s cheek. It shone and glistened in the light.
“It is not a leak,” He said, “It is a tear.”
“A tear? What is that?” asked the angel, “What is a tear for?”
The Lord replied with great thought, “It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class.”
The angel came closer to have a better look at the model of the teacher that God was making and ran his finger over the teacher’s cheek.
“Well, Lord,” said the angel, your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you you were putting too much into this model. You cannot imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher.”
The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher’s cheek. It shone and glistened in the light.
“It is not a leak,” He said, “It is a tear.”
“A tear? What is that?” asked the angel, “What is a tear for?”
The Lord replied with great thought, “It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class.”
09 September 2007
Living
Sometimes you wonder if there was any thing that was beyond the physical self.
On that fateful day, the nurse from the hospice called me in the morning and reported that father was not physically responding when she talked to him. She asked me to visit him as things are not looking good.
So after finishing the testimonials in the evening time, i was there. Then i was told he went into a comma. It was a shock, and after standing there for some time, calls were made to the various relatives. And then, i whispered to him that i was going for my dinner.
And then he was gone in the midst.
Now as i think back, why did i do such a thing? Was it because the scene was somehow replayed time and time again until i became numb? Maybe i was heartless. Maybe i was unfillial. But there is nothing i can do that will change anything now.
That's the irreversible part of life; death.
Nothing you can ever do will change anything. No re-take, no rewind, no starting over again. And that was that. Done and over with.
And what if we were to die tomorrow?
Will we die with regrets? Will we be happy if we could conclude our lives in that flash of an instant?
On that fateful day, the nurse from the hospice called me in the morning and reported that father was not physically responding when she talked to him. She asked me to visit him as things are not looking good.
So after finishing the testimonials in the evening time, i was there. Then i was told he went into a comma. It was a shock, and after standing there for some time, calls were made to the various relatives. And then, i whispered to him that i was going for my dinner.
And then he was gone in the midst.
Now as i think back, why did i do such a thing? Was it because the scene was somehow replayed time and time again until i became numb? Maybe i was heartless. Maybe i was unfillial. But there is nothing i can do that will change anything now.
That's the irreversible part of life; death.
Nothing you can ever do will change anything. No re-take, no rewind, no starting over again. And that was that. Done and over with.
And what if we were to die tomorrow?
Will we die with regrets? Will we be happy if we could conclude our lives in that flash of an instant?
08 September 2007
缘
这几年好像一直与死神碰头。
7年前，他几乎同时带走了祖父与母亲，又几年后，一位好友也随他而去。后来 J 也无法战胜他，悄然与世长辞。
曾外婆过世没多久，父亲也终于举起了白旗。
那时四叔问我，要土葬还是火葬，我毫不犹豫地说火葬。因为我害怕无法熬过 15 年的土葬限制。说真的，我还能再次面对吗？
也许死亡面对多了，总也会感到茫然吧。
7年前，他几乎同时带走了祖父与母亲，又几年后，一位好友也随他而去。后来 J 也无法战胜他，悄然与世长辞。
曾外婆过世没多久，父亲也终于举起了白旗。
那时四叔问我，要土葬还是火葬，我毫不犹豫地说火葬。因为我害怕无法熬过 15 年的土葬限制。说真的，我还能再次面对吗？
也许死亡面对多了，总也会感到茫然吧。
05 September 2007
Loss
Want to say thank all of you who have one way or the other consoled me in the loss of my father.
It was 8 years ago since he was first diagnosed with the condition. I remember a short while later, mother passed away and there i was, sitting at the hospital bed, all by myself and thinking how lonely and helpless i was in the middle of the night. The tears flowed so much that i had to wash them away and went back to the chair, hoping that father would wake up from his comma.
It has been a few years since the last comma and eventually the inevitable moment of truth. And the feeling of loneliness is still ever as potent.
The importance of having a family; you only feel the loss and the helplessness when it strikes you. How many do really treasure what they already have, no matter how dysfunctional?
How about having none?
It has been 8 years of hospital running, a lot of frustrations and anguish, the skyhigh bills, the gargantuan amount of red tape, the trouble of repeating mindless interviews and appointments time and time again, the admission and the discharge from wards, the changing of beds, the quarrels, the ...
Yet, what are all these compared to the loss of a loved one?
And Miss T was right, the tough part is when all the matters at hand are resolved, and suddenly the void comes in and you are left again to face the memories all alone all over again.
You just feel it suddenly, it can be a moment at the stairs, when you are looking further in front of you, working halfway, a moment of silence, and regret and loss and everything else floods in.
Yet there's not much we can gain from the sadness, which was why i went back to work almost immediately. Life is transient, and all the more we should make full use of it... even if it's just mere minutes away, if i could have waited for those few minutes.. maybe i would have taken a last look.
It was 8 years ago since he was first diagnosed with the condition. I remember a short while later, mother passed away and there i was, sitting at the hospital bed, all by myself and thinking how lonely and helpless i was in the middle of the night. The tears flowed so much that i had to wash them away and went back to the chair, hoping that father would wake up from his comma.
It has been a few years since the last comma and eventually the inevitable moment of truth. And the feeling of loneliness is still ever as potent.
The importance of having a family; you only feel the loss and the helplessness when it strikes you. How many do really treasure what they already have, no matter how dysfunctional?
How about having none?
It has been 8 years of hospital running, a lot of frustrations and anguish, the skyhigh bills, the gargantuan amount of red tape, the trouble of repeating mindless interviews and appointments time and time again, the admission and the discharge from wards, the changing of beds, the quarrels, the ...
Yet, what are all these compared to the loss of a loved one?
And Miss T was right, the tough part is when all the matters at hand are resolved, and suddenly the void comes in and you are left again to face the memories all alone all over again.
You just feel it suddenly, it can be a moment at the stairs, when you are looking further in front of you, working halfway, a moment of silence, and regret and loss and everything else floods in.
Yet there's not much we can gain from the sadness, which was why i went back to work almost immediately. Life is transient, and all the more we should make full use of it... even if it's just mere minutes away, if i could have waited for those few minutes.. maybe i would have taken a last look.
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